Fate of a Tecolote Pufferfish
During the second Covid winter, I worked from La Paz (Mexico not Bolivia). La Paz is at the tip of the Baja Peninsula, with a bay fed by the Sea of Cortez on one side, the Desert, sandy cliffs, and Saguaro cacti reaching 12+ METERS. I had no idea! Technically the Sea of Cortez, is an extension of the Pacific Ocean but the Sea of Cortez has its own energy. Some people take hiking excursions into the Desert, as an Entity, I don’t trust the Desert, the Water is where I breathe.
Image above generated by Chat GPT / DALL.E
La Paz has a population of 250K people, though most visitors, stick to the Malecon & Beaches. The Malecon (stone boardwalk) runs for 5+ kilometers along the water with many moored boats on one side, and an array of lively cafés, bars, shops and hotels ever present opposite. The Malecon is the main tourist paseo and the social hub of coastal La Paz. Tour operators selling tours to snorkel with whale sharks, and tours further out snorkel with sea lions! Marinas anchor each end and there are several smaller marinas stretching further down. I was surprised that few people swimming off the Malecon. Learned quickly that this was due to little control over boats emptying their sewage tanks into the bay. That being said, the sunset view from anywhere on the Malecon is spectacular and perfect spot for an aguachile and berry sangria.
Image below generated by Chat GPT / DALL.E
The good beaches can be found 30 min outside town via the “Beach Bus”. The Beach Bus is bare bones, cheap, jovial and infrequent, so always best to plan around the posted schedule at the station. The Beach Bus picks up at the Malecon making roughly 7 stops, at beaches and larger hotels, taking 30 min to reach Balandra. This is the fabulous beach in La Paz, a nature reserve with white sand and crystal turquoise Sea of Cortez flanked by rocky cliffs. Entry is 50 pesos ( $2 USD) and there are no bathrooms, stores, or pets allowed. It’s a very shallow bay; feels like a giant bathtub….with friendly strangers, and a few stingrays.
Even in winter, the water is lukewarm. While there is no real coral for snorkeling at Balandra, beware of stingrays, wear water shoes and remember to shuffle when walking in the water, to scare them off. Nobody wants a barb in the foot.
To keep Balandra pristine, there are limits to how many people are allowed to visit at once. Military police are present to enforce this. On weekends, it’s common that the bus can only pick up passengers at Balandra, no drop offs. No pasa nada, the next stop is Tecalote, a few minutes further and the last stop on the route.
My first reaction Tecalote was “NO”. Where the bus drops off there are a few seafood shacks, souvenir stands, and lots of garbage which attracts packs of stray dogs, some quite aggressive. “Car Camping” culture is a huge part of Baja unfortunately this can result in makeshift toilets and impromptu garbage dumps, hence the concentration of large feral dogs. I’m all for Car Camping but not for all that crap left behind. Sorry Mexico! M of the Car Campers are from across a border. But I’m here, so going to make the best of it.
Walking down the beach, Locals, semi-locals and assimilated tourists look up and smile with a “Buenos Dias” or “Buenos Tardes”. This is not special gringo treatment. it’s just good manners in Mexico especially in the smaller cities and towns. It’s a little thing, but makes a lasting impression as this immediately makes you feel welcome and somewhat connected. You can tell which visitors are new to Mexico because when you smile and say “Buenas Dias” they often avert their eyes with no verbal response, or even smile. Someone needs a Pina Colada! many bone white, desiccated, globe shaped spiky pufferfish are strewn along the beach, sizes ranging from baseball to softball. Victims of pollution? Algae? Did sharks spit them out when noticing the spikes? Glad I’m wearing water shoes! Just one of those many spikes would be like an ivory nail. Not the type of souvenir one takes home by choice!
Image below generated by Chat GPT / DALL.E
The beach is lively, but not overcrowded. I stop a teenage fruit vendor with permanent red tinged suntan grazing his back. He’s hauling freshly sliced mango, coconut and jicama. Of course, I have mine topped with tamarind chili sauce. A worthy investment of just a few dollars. People say “you shouldn’t over tip in Mexico” blah blah blah, but I say If someone is hauling 30 pounds of freshly cut fruit up and down the beach in desert heat, for your convenience, don’t be a douche!
I asked what was up with the pufferfish graveyard. He explained that when the Pelicans attack in a frenzy, the pufferfish inflate which a natural defense to be intimidating, and don’t get a moment to deflate in the midst of Pelican Rain. They basically get scared to death and die neurotic! The bugged out expressions on their faces make sense now.
The fate of a Tecolate pufferfish is all kinds of sad! I wonder..would CBD gummies help?
To a bug eyed pufferfish, an onslaught of Pelicans would be Pterodactyl Armageddon. Since toxins and spikes prevent them from being on the menu, seems that they victims of circumstance.
As I walk further down the wide white sand beach, it gets cleaner and I’m glad to be here. There are several seafood shacks sheltered by cliffs renting lounge chairs and thatched palapa shade. You can sit for free closer to the water on your own towel / sarong. I have a sarong but a shrimp aguachile and some shade would be nice. Many hours Teams meetings this week were paid, so Palapa it is!
Happily, I flop down on a lounge chair instantly made cozy by my red and black sarong. As I’m already turning a little lobster from the walk, this is a smart option. Moments later, a waiter appears, and I order a piña colada and Cóctel de Camaron (shrimp) in lieu of palapa rent. Before getting too comfy, I get up to wash my hands.
Image generated by Chat GPT / DALL.E
Feeling Fabulous at the Tecolote beach!
Before getting too comfy, I get up to wash my hands. There is no running water in the bathroom just a large blue bucket with a sun bleached red plastic ladle floating in it. There is a handwritten sign “ 10 pesos” , and a plywood door off its hinges which I fear is the toilet. Likely the 10 pesos is for toilet paper, but who knows where the guardian of the TP is.
The stench is strong enough that despite this being an “open air” toilet situation, I can taste the air. There is no toilet seat or paper for that matter in sight. I’d noticed a lack of toilet seats in Lima, Peru too, even in the nicest areas like Miraflores and San Isidro. I don’t get it, a toilet seat would be hard to sneak away with inconspicuously.
Image generated by Chat GPT / DALL.E
A Tecolote toilet like most camp toilets… is the stuff of nightmares, and best avoided.
Image generated by Chat GPT / DALL.E
Back to the hypnotic aquamarine of the Sea of Cortez. Sipping my pina colada, I watch a squadron of pelicans break formation to dive bomb into the surf, in search of their lunch too, no doubt adding to the neurotic pufferfish death toll.
The wave break is only a meter from shore and appears to break over deep shelf, rather than coral, not conducive to swimming in any case. Most people are just playing in the white foam, along the edge of the violent surf rather than swimming into the translucent glass wall that shatters over and over again. I am entranced by large squadron of pelicans relentlessly dive bombing a bait ball and I think of the pufferfish. Pobrocitos!
It looks like Pelicans are spearing the fish rather than scooping them into their giant bills as seen in cartoons. The is reminiscent of watching flights of cormorants breaking formation to decimate bait balls in Miraflores and Barranco beneath Lima’s cliffs. When I first saw this in Peru, I had thought someone was shooting the cormorants as they appeared to suddenly drop dead in the midst of horizontal flight. How could the cormorants see the fish? That water was very murky, a combination of nutrients from Humbolt current, and raw sewage from Lima’s 8 million residents. Maybe the cormorants look for ripples on the surface to indicate a bait ball?
Here in Tecolate, the water here is so clear that I can see light fracture beneath the surface just before the waves break, and submerged pelicans can be glimpsed vying for a piece of the bait ball. Spectators are a mix of several generations of Mexican families on outings, couples having a romantic day out, and a few solo like myself, all bespelled by the Pelican Crime Channel. Several kids at the edge of the water dancing back and forth the sea foam shrieking, jumping and clapping, encouraging the pelicans on their hunt.
Image generated by Chat GPT / DALL.E
I could do this all day.
The waiter comes back and I add a large Cóctel de Camarones to my order. Fresh shrimp served in a giant round globe glass, swimming in fresh salsa, served with crispy tostadas. I’ve been here two weeks so my system has adjusted and I’m confident enough to eat from a seafood shack rather than just the restaurants on the Malecon (stone boardwalk), and I’m sure the rum has bacteria killing properties. My new bathing suit and throw are white, so maybe red sauce wasn’t a great idea. Oh well, the ocean will wash it off.
Full on my shrimp feast and milking my pina colada, this has been a gorgeous day. The Pelican Channel runs intermittently in the background as they drift up and down the coast pursuing their prey.
I was just dozing off, when a powerful kick emanating from middle region, jolts me from the edge of sleep… and I’m not pregnant.
Oh no…. Crisis time!
Can I make it to the bathroom? Will I be able to hold on while the keeper of precious TP, is located?
Think this through…think this through.
I’m wearing a tight white one piece, in a mad rush, I may not be able to wiggle out of it in time…
With that scenario playing on a loop… I bolt for the wave break….
and don’t quite make it : (
Mortified and expelling a demon, I double over as a glass wave and it slaps down the top of my head pummeling me in a circular motion. Feels like I’m in a large steel washing machine. Luckily, I’d taken half a breath and I let my body go limp rather than struggle against either force.
I’m upright now and as my stomach is still convulsing, I dive under the next wave and swim just past the break. As suspected, there is a big drop here and I have no footing so I tread water gulping air before I’m pulled under again. I wonder how much of this fiasco is visible to spectators enjoying their Cóctel de Camaron?
The Pelican Channel just got way more entertaining.
Maybe, nobody sees me, I’m past the main wave break now, despite a force pulling me both down and towards shore. I am treading water furiously, in the churning water, trying not to look like I’m drowning because the last thing I need is some hot Mexican dude swimming out into this shit show!
Out of nowhere, a pelican spears the water an arm’s length away. And then another and now the swarm is back, and it’s raining pelicans!
Fuck, these pelican beaks, spears have to be over a foot long. I may soon share the Fate of the many pufferfish souls haunting the beach.
I feel something sharp, graze the back of my calf. Pelican bill or neurotic pufferfish? Does puffer neurotoxin come out through the spikes? I’m assuming that neuro-toxin + multiple sclerosis is a bad combination, also know that getting stabbed by homicidal dinosaur offspring is also all bad. People always often fret about sharks in the ocean when I may very well be impaled by Pelicans or unintentionally poisoned neurotic pufferfish! I’m not the threat here puffy friends!
Why are the Pelicans so fucking close? Have they no fear? Technically, I’m higher on the food chain than a pelican right?
I must be in the bait ball!
Swim away from the bait ball!
Frantically, I swim along the shoreline, as fast as I can with the current relentlessly tugging me into the surf, so I’m not making much progress. Makes me think of a water treadmill or a hamster on a wheel. I swear these Pelican Psychos are following me.
Image generated by Chat GPT / DALL.E
Struggling to stay afloat, I brace myself for an internal wave as that onslaught continues in concert with the arial assault as I am now treading water with my face to the sky, so I know which way to dodge. Fuck, these pelican beaks, bills whatever are like bayonets. Wonder how sharp they are? Sharp like a butter knife or like a meat skewer?
I don’t want to be a Gringa Kabob!
Why are these fuckers following me?
In the midst of this chaos, I have a moment of clarity…
I am the bait ball! And the local fish are lined up at the buffet.
I glance at the shore, and notice few dozen spectators have congregated at the waters edge , facing me. A mix of people pointing and others doubled over laughing, or maybe the Cóctel de Camarones is claiming more victims. Come on in, the water is even warmer now!
Being the buffet source to the bait ball, resistance is futile and these pelicans aren’t stupid, they know where the party is. So, I’ll stay in till it’s at last my contribution to the cycle of life is spent. I don’t know how long it was, when the swarm finally moved on, fortunately, I’m a good swimmer, unfortunately, the spectators had not moved on.
